Thursday, March 31, 2011

Kemesraan Dulu......

Macam crita nostalgik la plak nie.........
Sikit la kot...
Kita baca lok lirik lagu nie..
Lagu yang akan menceritakan suma rasa kemesraan suatu ketika dahulu tapi sudah hilang bersama-sama waktu yang blalu


Kemesraan
Iwan Fals


Suatu hari
Dikala kita duduk ditepi pantai
Dan memandang
Ombak dilautan yang kian menepi

Burung camar
Terbang bermain diderunya air
Suara alam ini
Hangatkan jiwa kita

Sementara
Sinar surya perlahan mulai tenggelam
Suara gitarmu
Mengalunkan melodi tentang cinta

Ada hati
Membara erat bersatu
Getar seluruh jiwa
Tercurah saat itu

Kemesraan ini
Janganlah cepat berlalu
Kemesraan ini
Ingin kukenang selalu

Hatiku damai
Jiwaku tentram disampingmu
Hatiku damai
Jiwaku tentram bersamamu

Bersamamu


Sedih lak ku baca
Lagu nie da kaitan ngan kisah hidupku suatu ketika dahulu..
Kemesraan yang telah blalu tidak akan dapat kembali lagi walaupun air mata darah ku ingin gantikan dengannya...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I hate it when I was...

I hate it when I was......
...uncomfortable about something...
...not thinking things straight...
...doubting about something...
...forced to do something I hate...
...forced to love something I hate...
...provoked to do something I’m not interested in...
...challenged to do something I’m don’t want to...
...being eyed-out when I’m not interested in that thing...
...being sharp-tongue at when I’m not at mood...
...being looked-down by someone...
...humiliated in front of strangers...
...being doubted by the one I’m close to...
...being misunderstood by somebody I close with...
...being cast aside when I don’t know what I’ve been doing wrong...
...being left-out in the dark by the one I’m close to...
...being the black sheep in a group...
BUT...
Above all,
I hate it when I was being stabbed by my own friends...

Ouch...
That hurts man
I really HATE when I was in that situation...

How to escape from that situation?
How to prevent it from ever happens again?
How to demolish it from my life?

The scars will always be here...in my heart even if time flew by....
It will always bleed again even when I lost my memory...

Saturday, March 19, 2011

My PersonaLity tRaits

MONTH (SEPTEMBER)


GOOD
-Intellectual
-A master of communication
-Always combine logic and intuition in dealing with life in general
-Astrologically, classified as the “perfectionists”
-Inherited a powerful investigative mind that could lead you to science, chemicals, research, radio, television, newspaper reporting, computer programming and the law

BAD
-Very critical and picky
-Tend to work too hard
-Downfall is sarcasm and an overly concerned attitude with trivial matters
-Some overwhelmed with health matters and turn into health lunatics
-Prone to headaches or head injury, eye and sinus problems
-Prone to poisoning and are strongly advised to keep away from alcohol and narcotics

Zodiac (Virgo)


GOOD
-Has guts and lots of them!
-Has quite a determination and can do anything if she sets her mind to it
-Stickler for time
-Taste is very good and intellect quite developed
-Very much attached to the ground and prefer to live in the real world
-Very good with finances and extravagance is not one in the personality traits
-Doesn’t need a man to take care of her, she takes care of herself
-Has a clear thinking and usually knows what she wants
-Hate hypocrisy
-Cannot stand public displays of affection
-Has all the charms and tricks that any other female has, but not weak
-Completely devoted and loyal in a relationship
-Will become exceedingly strong when you need support
-With kids, very considerate
-Truth is indeed beautiful
-Holds love in the highest place and can do anything for true love

BAD
-Will demand total perfection
-Very hard to accept that she is wrong
-Prone to worrying about things too much and will do others’ job too
-If a relationship doesn't seems to be working, will severe all the ties and become as cold as the North Pole
-Will not break the new, expensive vase when upset, but can be very demanding and fussy
-Very sensitive and feelings are pretty fragile
-Virgo women's characteristics profile is an odd mix of emotions and practicality, romance and common sense
-Cannot tolerate someone using abusive language, coming late, dressing sloppily, not minding table manners, etc
-Even though a Virgo woman is very critical, she will not take criticism very nicely

Blood Type (B)



GOOD
-Goal oriented
-Strong minded
-Will start a task and continue it until completed, and completed well
- Tend to be curious and interested in everything
-Passionate
-Optimistic
-Flexible
-Empathetic
-Individualists of the blood group categories and find their own way in life
-Tend to be balanced: thoughtful like A’s and yet ambitious like O’s
-Easily understand others’ points of view
-Considered more relaxed, freewheeling, and unconventional than other types, although not necessarily to an unacceptable degree
- Lean to have many hobbies

BAD
-Forgetful
-Self-centered
- Often hesitating to challenge or confront
-Pay attention to their thoughts a little more than their feelings, and therefore can sometimes seem cold and serious
-Look cheerful, enthusiastic, and bright but they are actually not like their appearances
-Antisocial with many people
-Rugged individualists who are straightforward and like to do things their own way
-If interested in something, will be buoyant, but unfortunately will be bored fast

Thursday, March 17, 2011

People with Blood Type B

I've always wonder what is blood type B person's personalities are but don't have time to do some research....
Well...
2day I found that free time to do some research about it...
AND
of course what is my true colour...



Goal oriented and strong minded, type B’s will start a task and continue it until completed, and completed well. Type B’s are the individualists of the blood group categories and find their own way in life.

B is most compatible with B and AB

Best Traits: Creative, passionate, animal loving, optimistic, flexible and individualistic.
Worst Traits: Forgetful, irresponsible, and self-centered.
Famous Bs: Akira Kurosawa, Jack Nicholson, Luciano Pavarotti, Tom Selleck, Mia Farrow, Paul McCartney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Vince Young

Blood type B individuals tend to be balanced: thoughtful like A’s and yet ambitious like O’s. They are empathetic, easily understanding others’ points of view, yet often hesitating to challenge or confront. Chameleon-like and flexible, they make good friends

this is taken from http://www.recipeapart.com
D 1 with blah3 is not really my personality
At least I think so.....
errrr.......




People with blood type B tend to be curious and interested in everything. They also lean to have many hobbies. If they are interested in something, they will be buoyant, but unfortunately they will be bored fast. However, they can choose the most important thing for them to do.

They lean to want to be number one in anything rather than just to be average people. But, they usually ignore another activity if they have focused on a certain activity. In other words, they cannot do some activities at the same time.

They look cheerful, enthusiastic, and bright. But, they are actually not like their appearances. Indeed, they are antisocial with many people. They are rugged individualists who are straightforward and like to do things their own way. Unluckily, their insistence on being independent can sometimes go too far and become a weakness.

http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Stewart_B_Johnston



This 1 I admit it 99.99%

Japanese Blood Types and Personality

People with blood type B are the most practical of the blood groups. They are specialists in what they do. When they start a project, they spend extra time understanding and trying to follow directions than others might. When they are doing something, all of their attention is focused on it. They tend to stick to a goal and follow it through to the end, even if it seems impossible. They tend to be less than cooperative, as they like to follow their own rules and their own ideas. They are individualists. B type people pay attention to their thoughts a little more than their feelings, and therefore can sometimes seem cold and serious.

People with blood type B are often considered more relaxed, freewheeling, and unconventional than other types, although not necessarily to an unacceptable degree. In anime, the genki, off-the-wall types are type B, along with any kind of well-intended character who's ruled by their impulses.

Naruto, Duo Maxwell, Miaka, Nuriko, Tasuki, Sagara Sanosuke

Seelms like it is all on me.......

This 1 is from the scientific approach....

People who are B blood type have a different set of characteristics than people who are Type O or Type A - they are susceptible to different diseases, they should eat different foods and exercise in a completely different manner. Some believe that personality is influenced by blood type! Dr. D'Adamo, author of the best selling books Eat Right for Your Type and Live Right for Your Type, among others, gives us a blueprint for living in his books. Read on to learn more about the Type B individual.

The Blood Type B Individualized Lifestyle

The mechanics of blood type's influence have to do with the way the genes influence each other, seemingly unrelated, genes located immediately adjacent or nearby. This mechanism explains why your blood type can have an impact on such a diverse number of bodily systems - from digestive enzymes to neurochemicals. Many nutrition experts are baffled when they first hear about the link between blood type and digestion. That's because they are only considering the physical significance of blood type as a surface antigen. Actually, it's not your blood type antigen that is influencing the level of acid in your stomach, but rather the gene for your blood type influencing other seemingly unrelated genes located immediately adjacent (or very close) to the ABO blood type gene that can exert an effect on your stomach acid levels. This phenomenon, called gene linkage, isn't well understood yet, but it is well known: Many genes influence the actions of other seemingly unrelated genes. As we explore Blood Type B, we will learn more about this intriguing relationship.

B Is for Balance - B Blood Type History

Blood Type B developed in the area of the Himalayan highlands, now part of present day Pakistan and India. Pushed from the hot, lush savannahs of eastern Africa to the cold highlands of the Himalayan Mountains, Blood type B may have initially mutated in response to climactic changes. It first appeared in India or the Ural region of Asia among a mix of Caucasian and Mongolian tribes. This new blood type was soon characteristic of the great tribes of steppe dwellers, who by this time dominated the Eurasian Plains. As the Mongolians swept through Asia, the gene for Type B blood was firmly entrenched. The Mongolians swept northward, pursuing a culture dependent upon herding and domesticating animals - as their diet of meat and cultured dairy products reflected.

Of all the ABO types, Type B shows the most clearly defined geographic distribution. Stretching as a great belt across the Eurasian plains and down to the Indian subcontinent, Type B is found in increased numbers from Japan, Mongolia, China and India up to the Ural Mountains. From there westward, the percentages fall until a low is reached at the western tip of Europe. The small numbers of Type B in Western Europeans represents western migration by Asian nomadic peoples. This is best seen in the easternmost western Europeans, the Germans and Austrians, who have an unexpectedly high incidence of Type B blood compared to their western neighbors. Modern sub continental Indians a Caucasian people, have some of the highest frequencies of Type B blood in the world. The northern Chinese and Koreans have very high rates of Type B blood and very low rates of Type A.

What Makes Type B Unique

As a Type B, you carry the genetic potential for great malleability and the ability to thrive in changeable conditions. Unlike blood types A and O, which are at opposite ends of every spectrum, your position is fluid, rather than stationary, with the ability to move in either direction along the continuum. It's easy to see how this flexibility served the interests of early Type B's who needed to balance the twin forces of the animal and vegetable kingdoms. At the same time, it can be extremely challenging to balance two poles and Type B's tend to be highly sensitive to the effects of slipping out of balance.

The primary challenges that can get in the way of optimum health for Type B include a tendency to produce higher than normal cortisol levels in situations to stress; sensitivity to the B specific lectins in select foods, resulting in inflammation and greater risk for developing Syndrome X; susceptibility to slow growing, lingering viruses - such as those for MS, CFS, and lupus; and a vulnerability to autoimmune diseases. "If I were to generalize," says Dr. D'Adamo, "I would say that a healthy Type B, living right for his or her own type, tends to have fewer risk factors for disease and tends to be more physically fit and mentally balanced than any of the other blood types." Type B's tended to have a greater ability to adapt to altitude and interestingly, are statistically the tallest of the blood types.

Type B Diet

For Type Bs the biggest factors in weight gain are corn, wheat, buckwheat, lentils, tomatoes, peanuts and sesame seeds. Each of these foods affect the efficiency of your metabolic process, resulting in fatigue, fluid retention, and hypoglycemia - a severe drop in blood sugar after eating a meal. When you eliminate these foods and begin eating a diet that is right for your type, you blood sugar levels should remain normal after meals. Another very common food that Type Bs should avoid is chicken. Chicken contains a Blood Type B agglutinating lectin in its muscle tissue. Although chicken is a lean meat, the issue is the power of an agglutinating lectin attacking your bloodstream and the potential for it to lead to strokes and immune disorders. Dr. D'Adamo suggests that you wean yourself away from chicken and replace them with highly beneficial foods such as goat, lamb, mutton, rabbit and venison. Other foods that encourage weight loss are green vegetables, eggs, beneficial meats, and low fat dairy. When the toxic foods are avoided and replaced with beneficial foods, Blood Type Bs are very successful in controlling their weight.

Handling Stress

When it comes to hormones, type B is closer to type A, producing somewhat higher levels of cortisol. When a Type B is out of balance, this manifests in overreaction to stress, difficulty in recovering from stress, disrupted sleep patterns, daytime brain fog, disruptive to GI friendly bacteria and suppresses immune function. This leads to increased risks for depression, insulin resistance, hypothyroidism and high stress can further exacerbate virtually all health challenges.

The Nitric Oxide (NO) molecule also has implications for Blood Type B's stress response and ability to recover quickly from stress. NO has emerged as an important substance capable of modifying many biological processes - including the nervous system and the immune system. Nitric Oxide functions as a kind of mediator of certain types of neurons in the central nervous system. Unlike the other neuro-transmitters, such as dopamine and serotonin, NO does not bind to specific sites on the cell, but rather is infused into the cell and works directly at the biochemical level, making it a "rapid response" neurotransmitter. NO also seems to be involved in the regulation of the endorphins produced in the brain. The ability to rapidly clear NO can be highly beneficial to the cardiovascular system, but it also has implications for the activity of neurotransmitters, enabling faster recovery of stress. Scientists found that patients who possessed the Type B antigen appeared to clear NO more rapidly than do people of other blood types - the scientists had no clue as to why this might be, however, one of the possible answers lies right next to the ABO gene as the gene that influences the ability to modulate Arginine conversion to NO is right next to the gene that codes for blood type. Remember the gene linkage that was discussed earlier? Does this sound familiar? Dr. D'Adamo has observed that type B's have a wonderful gift to be able to gain physiological relief from stress and maintain emotional balance through the utilization of mental processes such as visualization and meditation.

Exercise

To maintain the mind/body balance that is unique to Type B's, Dr. D'Adamo recommends that you choose physical exercise that challenges your mind as well as your body. Type Bs need to balance meditative activities with more intense physical exercise. "You tend to do best with activities that are not too aerobically intense, have an element of mental challenge and involve other people." Says Dr. D'Adamo. Excellent forms of exercise for Type B's include tennis, martial arts, cycling, hiking and golf.

The Personality Connection

The connection between blood type and personality has long been studied. In an independent study, Dr. D'Adamo found that most Blood Type B's often described themselves in ways related to the following characteristics: subjective, easygoing, creative, original and flexible. In another study, Type B's scored significantly higher on "intuiting," indicating a preference or sixth sense information; and they scored high on the "intuiting/feeling" combination, indicating that they tend to be insightful, mystical, idealistic, creative, globally-oriented, people-oriented and good at imagining. They also reported that they learned best through listening, then reflecting on and interpreting what they had observed. Perhaps the nomadic life of the steppes contributed to long hours given over to talk as well as ample time for meditation and reflection.

Live Right! Here are Dr. D'Adamo's key lifestyle strategies for Type Bs:
Visualization is a powerful technique for Type Bs. If you can visualize it, you can achieve it
Find healthy ways to express your nonconformist side
Spend at least twenty minutes a day involved in some creative task that requires your complete attention
Go to bed no later than 11:00PM and sleep for eight hours or more. It is essential for B's to maintain their circadian rhythm
Use meditation to relax during breaks
Engage in a community, neighborhood or other group activity that gives you a meaningful connection to a group. Type Bs are natural born networkers
Be spontaneous
As they age, Type Bs have a tendency to suffer memory loss and have decreased mental acuity. Stay sharp by doing tasks that require concentration, such as crossword puzzles or learn a new skill or language

Blah....blah....blah...blah.......
Above all, just 1 thing that attracts my attention...

-Go to bed no later than 11:00PM and sleep for eight hours or more. It is essential for B's to maintain their circadian rhythm

That's why I sleep a lot....


2 all my friends....don't complaint about my sleeping habit coz I'm being advised 2 sleep a lot..
hahahahaha

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Story of A Friend...

This is a story of a friend I was closed-to once....



I may seems to be an arrogant or a spoiled girl but I still have an innocent heart...(quoted from another friend of mine).
Guess...I myself didn't know either

I've really tried to be-friend with the other girls since I was in primary school but now I realize, it was a failure......but NOT a MISTAKE
I accept it all as a whole lot of life experiences......
Well...my life full of dark clouds when it comes to friends...


My biggest regret or should I say, my biggest dark cloud was in the year 2006...
She has been my best buddy since primary school but it all ends when there was a big misunderstanding between us..plus a swarm of mother bees who have been watching us from behind all that time for the right time to sting...
Wow...should I say that the place where I've been stung hurts till now?
Yeah.....it still hurts

When I was cast aside because I'm a nobody(when it comes to look and status),she was the one who took care of my feeling...
When I was beaten by guys,she was the one who comforted me...
When I involved in a fight,she was the one who advised me to soften my heart...
There's a lot more about her but it really hurt when I try to remember them...

We've been supporting each other since then...
But it all comes to an end when she started to have feelings for boys.
I know that its not a crime to have that kind of feelings,it's a natural thing but without we even realize it,that matter was one thing that broke us apart...
I'm not good at all when it comes that side of life...
I myself got scared when there were guys who confessed their feelings to me...
Maybe that was why she started to look for somebody else,who have a lot of experience and know how to deal with that matter...
At that time, I was just managed to watch her from afar
and comforted her quietly when she has problems with boys...
I was willing to do anything for her even when I have to face the guy who broke her heart...
Guess...at that time I love her and scared to see her tears from falling....

I still remember the time when she came back one evening and cried silently on her bed...
All of us was really stunned because she had never been that way ever since we all started our high school...
The ONES' she always refer to when it comes to her love life just take a glance at her from a corner and left...
That was just a normal thing for them...
but it was not a normal thing for me...
I know everything just from the look of her eyes...
I just sat by her side and let my other friends(one with a boyish style but still has a lot of scandals and one with a very feminime side of her but scared of boys) comforted her...
At last,she went back to my side...I mean she lastly turned back and saw me,standing all the way there to help her...
Her tears broke down once again when she told me everything...
The guy,introduced by the ONES' she trust tried to molest her..
I was so shocked that I can't say anything at that time...
I'm just glad that she can save herself...and her pride

Things seem to be more complicated since then
She changed totally from an innocent and pure girl to someone else...
She started to fall for another guys...
She seemed to enjoy it

The real problem appeared when there was a new boy in her class...
For me,he is not the most handsome or stylish boy in that school but for others,it was a totally opposite from my opinion...
He really got himself a huge group of fans...excluding me
What is there so special about him that make everyone blind?
He was my ENEMY since then...

But,it's always being inside of me that I can be-friended with boys easily because I am(now also still the same)born and raised with my 2 brothers and bunch of boys in my neighborhood...
He became one of my friend at last
Our relationship was not more than best buddy but there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding...
Girls hated me because I was close to him...

Their hatred worsen when my cousins also became his friends...
and he always look after us especially when we needed help
The ONES' I've been talking about just now also got involved in that hatred things...
Time past-by and the hatred was still in the air...
One day,something really small triggered the fire I've been keeping inside my heart for a long time
They didn't have the courage to offend me by myself but they took another alternative by hurting my cousin..
I was just so in fire that I faced all of them(including my best friend) by myself...
At that time,my fists were trembled by anger but I can still keep myself in control because I've always had my own principle (to never beat a girl)
I just talk nicely to them but they seems to be ready for my attack
I still can hold myself from throwing my fist to their faces when one of them pushed me and slammed my head to the bedpost with nail pinned on it...
and...
It all ends that night...
Our friendship...our shared memories...all gone
Including her..
At that time also, I've just realize that she had changed...
She was one of them,who hated me because I've been the boy's best buddy
I really didn't realize it till then.

The pain is still there even when it has been 5 years since we last met...
The scar still aches when I see their faces now...especially hers'
I've forgive them but I can't be their friend,even being someone they know...

KASIHNYA BERDURI

Nie citer tme boring2 dulu2........
baca la kalo boring gak...


“Mak Teh, tolong ambilkan Ani secawan kopi,” pintaku kepada pembantu rumah yang telah berusia lebih enam puluh tahun itu. Kebiasaannya aku tidak akan mengharapkan hikmatnya untuk melakukan kerja-kerja yang boleh ku lakukan sendiri tetapi ketika ini aku masih sibuk menyiapkan kerja-kerjaku yang telah lama terbelangkalai di dalam komputer ribaku.
“Baiklah, cik Ani.” Dia terus bergegas ke dapur, meninggalkan kerjanya mengelap tembikar-tembikar mama di dalam kabinet.
Mak Teh merupakan satu-satunya orang yang tidak pernah jemu melayan karenah ku. Dia telah berkhidmat di rumahku sejak dua tahun yang lalu, setelah kematian suaminya dalam satu kemalangan ngeri. Hubungan kami amat rapat walaupun usia perkenalan kami tidaklah begitu lama. Kesibukan mama dan papa menjadikan kami bertambah rapat. Semua kisah hidupku berada dalam simpanannya.
Kuteguk kopi yang masih berasap itu. Terasa tekakku puas menikmati kemanisan kopi sambil otakku tak henti-henti memikirkan jalan penyelesaian kepada masalah yang menghantui benak pemikiranku.
Betapa ku cinta padamu…katakanlah…
Bunyi telefon bimbit merah hati ku mengejutkan aku dari lamunan panjangku.
“Hello, Man. Kenapa call Ani tiba-tiba ni?” Aku menyambutnya mesra.
“Hello sayang. Tengah buat apa tu? Sibuk ke?” Suara romantisnya yang bisa menggoyahkan iman seorang gadis sepertiku menyapa halwa telingaku.
“Bolehlah…tengah buat paperwork untuk dibentangkan esok. Kenapa?”
“Sebenarnya Man nak ajak Ani pergi dinner, please.”
“Alamak, malam ni tak bolehlah Man. Parents Ani nak dinner sama-sama, ada benda nak dibincangkan. Apakata you dinner bersama kami malam ni?”
Satu dengusan kasar melewati deria pendengaranku.
“Man, I’m very sorry. Lain kali kita dinner sama-sama, okay?”
“Tak pelah, orang dah tak sudi keluar dengan kita lagi. Apa boleh buat kan?”
Talian diputuskan. Aku hanya mampu menggeleng kekesalan. Sikap Riezman yang mudah cemburu dan panas baran itu semakin menjadi-jadi kebelakangan ini. Perubahan drastik pada dirinya amat menggusarkan hatiku.
- Mungkin dia tertekan disebabkan kerjayanya yang tidak menentu itu.
Malam itu selepas makan malam, papa dan mama mengutarakan soalan yang sudah ku duga sejak awal-awal lagi apabila mama tiba-tiba mengarahkan aku menbatalkan semua temujanji ku malam itu.
“Hah, Ani. Macam mana dengan hubungan kamu dan Riezman sekarang?” Papa memulakan bicaranya sambil menghisap cerut yang dinyalakannya.
“Macam tu jugalah papa.” Satu keluhan lemah sahaja mampu ku keluarkan.
“Mama dengar dia dah berhenti kerja, betul ke?”
“Itulah yang Man kata, dia beritahu kat Ani yang dia tidak puas hati dengan majikannya yang selalu mencari kesalahannya.”
“Takkanlah sampai berhenti kerja. So, what is he doing now?” Nada suara dan riak wajah papa jelas menunjukkan ketidakpuasan hatinya dengan alasan yang ku nyatakan itu.
“Dia kata ada syarikat lain yang menawarkan jawatan yang lebih besar kepadanya tapi dia tidak pula bagitahu Ani kat syarikat mana.”
“Don’t take me wrong tapi mama rasa tak sedap hatilah Ani.” Puan Mariani teringatkan reaksi Riezman yang mencurigakan semasa terserempak dengannya di sebuah restoran tempoh hari.
“Mama, please trust me. Kita kan dah setuju untuk bagi Man sedikit masa dan peluang untuk membina kerjayanya.”
“Walau apa-apapun, you have to be very careful sayang. Jangan biarkan mata kamu dikaburi cinta.” Mama mengelus lembut rambutku.
Aku hanya mengangguk lemah.

Malam itu aku tidak dapat melelapkan mata. Fikiranku ligat memikirkan kata-kata mama dan papa tadi. Ku capai telefon bimbitku. Nama Riezman kutekan.
“Hello, Riezman here. Sorry but I’m busy right now. Please call me later…”
Hancur harapanku apabila panggilanku dijawab oleh peti pesanan suaranya. Geramnya hati ku ini hanya Tuhan sahaja yang tahu kerana bukan kali ini sahaja perkara seperti ini terjadi. Kucapai kunci keretaku.

Rumah teres dua tingkat itu kelihatan sunyi sekali. Kutekan loceng berkali-kali tetapi masih tiada sebarang respon dari dalam rumah.
Tiba-tiba terlintas di fikiranku untuk mencari Riezman di sebuah kelab malam yang selalu menjadi kunjungannya. Kupecutkan keretaku menuju ke situ.
Dugaanku memang berasas apabila aku terpandang kereta waja hitam berkilat miliknya yang diparkir di luar kelab itu.
Kakiku terus melangkah laju ke dalam kelab yang sesak dengan orang itu.
Pandanganku tertancap ke arah sekumpulan pemuda pemudi yang masih hanyut dibuai muzik rancak di lantai tarian.
Perasaan marahku menbuak-buak. Kakiku terus melangkah laju ke arah mereka.
“Man, what are you doing here?” Aku terpaksa menjerit untuk melawan suasana bingit yang bisa memekakkan telinga itu.
“So, Ani. What are you doing here instead? Takkanlah you pun nak enjoy?” Senyuman sinisnya membakar jiwaku yang sudah sedia terbakar itu. Kata-kata Riezman itu disambut oleh gelak tawa teman-temannya.
“Siapa perempuan ni?” Jari telunjukku terarah gadis yang masih berada dalam pelukannya itu.
“May I introduce to you my sweetheart, Zetty.” Mataku yang dikelabui amarah membuatkan telapak tanganku pantas singgah ke muka Riezman.
Aku terus melangkah pergi meninggalkan Riezman dan teman-temannya yang masih terkejut dengan tindakanku tadi.
Kereta yang kupandu terus memecut dalam kegelapan malam.
Tiba-tiba keretaku dipintas oleh dua buah kereta. Pedal brek tepaksa kutekan dengan mengejut sehingga aku hampir mencium dashboard.
Hatiku berdetak dengan kencang. Beberapa orang lelaki keluar dari kereta lalu membuka pintu keretaku.
Rambutku ditarik dengan kasar. Kesakitan yang mencucuk itu membuatkan kau menjerit. Salah seorang daripada lelaki-lelaki itu menampar pipiku.
Terasa ada bendalir masin mengalir dari hujung bibirku.
Aku terus berusaha melawan tetapi kudratku tidak standing kekuatan mereka.
Tiba-tiba aku merasa satu hentakan di belakang tengkukku. Pandanganku kabur dan aku terus tidak sedarkan diri.

Aku cuba membuka mataku tetapi pandanganku berpinar-pinar. Kepalaku terasa amat berat sekali. Aku terdengar samar-samar suara orang di sekelilingku.
“Man, bila duit tebusan itu akan sampai?”
“Malam ni. Sabarlah beb. Kita akan menjadi orang kaya baru selepas ini…hahahaha…” Suara itu macam ku pernah dengar.
“Apa kita nak buat dengan perempuan itu?
“Perempuan bodoh itu kita buang ke dalam laut sajalah. Kita bagi makan kat jerung-jerung lapar kat laut tu.”
Mereka semua terus tertawa.
Hatiku dirundum kegelisahan.
Perasaan marah dan benci membuak-buak dalam jiwaku.
“Riezman, kau perlakukan aku seperti seorang perempuan jalanan. Kau manusia hipokrit!” Mulutku pantas menjerit, mengejutkan meraka.
Riezman berjalan ke arah ku. Senyuman sinisnya menyakitkan pandangan mataku.
“Kau tu yang tak sedar diri. Bodoh!” Kepalaku ditujahnya keras.
“Kau tak akan terlepas!”
“Mana kau tahu? Aku sudah terlepas berpuluh-puluh kali dengan pertolongan banyak perempuan-perempuan bodoh macam kau.”
Aku terus meludah mukanya.
Rambutku ditarik dengan kasar.
“Kau tu yang patut sedar diri. Tak lama lagi, kau akan ditemani jerung-jerumg yang kelaparan di dalam laut itu.” Riezman terus melangkah pergi.

- Kau seorang lelaki yang bertopengkan cinta untuk mengaut keuntungan. Cintamu padaku selama ini rupanya palsu semata-mata.

Wang tebusan telah mereka terima seperti yang dirancangkan.
Benarlah kata orang, kalau seseorang itu sudah memulakan langkahnya dengan kejahatan, orang itu tidak akan berubah dalam sekelip mata.
Aku kemudiannya dibawa dalam sebuah bot menuju ke tengah lautan luas.
- Oh Tuhan, tolonglah hambamu yang lemah dan tidak berdaya ini.

…….
“Itu sahaja yang Ayu mampu ingat mak cik, pak cik.” Air mataku laju membasahi pipiku.
“Sudahlah tu Ayu, jangan salahkan diri Ayu selamanya. Semua yang telah terjadi ada hikmahnya.” Mak Tam mengusap lembut kepalaku.

Sudah sebulan aku terdampar di kampung nelayan ini. Setiap hari aku menghitung masa untuk menunggu ingatanku pulih. Aku cuma dapat mengingat peristiwa terakhir yang berlaku ke atas diriku. Semua pengenalan diriku dan keluargaku tidak dapat ku imbas kembali.
Banyak perkara telah kupelajari setelah tinggal di sini. Kehidupan di sini banyak mengajarku bahawa walaupun hidup dalam serba kekurangan, kita masih dapat meneruskan kehidupan dengan puas hati asalkan adanya kemahuan dan semangat.

“Ayu, lekaslah. Nanti terlambat pula.” Mak Tam menjerit memanggilku yang masih terkial-kial mencari beg tanganku.
Mak Tam dan Pak Oni ialah insan yang telah kuanggap seperti orang tua ku sendiri.
Mereka juga telah menganggapku seperti anak mereka sendiri. Aku dipanggilnya Ayu sempena nama anak mereka yang telah setahun meninggalkan dunia ini dalam satu kemalangan.
“Sekejap mak cik, Ayu nak kunci pintu ni dulu.”
Kami berjalan menyusuri pantai menuju ke dewan besar Kampung Pengkalan itu.
Penduduk kampung telah memenuhi dewan ketika kami tiba.
Satu perjumpaan dengan Pegawai Daerah akan diadakan secara besar-besaran hari ini untuk membincangkan masalah penduduk.
Entah kenapa hatiku terasa berdebar-debar.
Lututku terasa lemah.
Wajah Pegawai Daerah yang sedang berucap itu kutatapi.
Ada sesuatu yang membuatkan perasaanku terasa seperti telah mengenalinya dalam satu tempoh masa yang cukup lama.
Tiba-tiba kepalaku terasa pening.
Aku terus terjatuh terduduk tetapi sempat disambut oleh Mak Tam.
Selepas itu, aku terus tidak sedarkan diri lagi.
“Mama…mama…” Aku menjerit memanggil mama yang semakin menghilang dari pandanganku.
“Ani,…Ani,…Ani anak mama. Bangun sayang.” Suara yang amat kurindui singgah di cuping telingaku.
“Mama, Riezman…” Suaraku terhenti lalu air mata mula membanjiri mataku lagi.
“Mama tahu sayang…mama tahu.”
Aku terus memeluk erat tubuh mama.

Segala kenangan lalu mula menjelma kembali ke dalam ingatanku.
Aku juga sudah kembali ke kehidupan asalku.
Satu tekad kusematkan dalam diriku untuk melupakan segala kenangan silamku bersama-sama insan yang telah memusnahkan kepercayaanku terhadap cinta.
Insan itu telah menerima pembalasannya. Dia telah ditangkap oleh pihak polis ketika cuba melarikan diri ke luar negara bersama-sama dengan teman wanitanya.

Aku…aku masih mencari apa itu erti cinta sejati.
Aku tahu nun jauh di sana aku akan dipertemukan dengan seorang insan yang akan mengajar aku erti cinta semula.
Sejambak bunga cinta akan ku hadiahkan kepada dirinya.
Kasih berduri yang telah kulalui akan tetap menjadi sejarah hidupku.
Semua itu akan kuganti dengan satu kasih yang sejati.
Aku akan terus pasrah menunggu kerana ku percaya akan kewujudannya.


TAMAT